Veritas.

"Sometimes in our relentless effort to find the person we love, we fail to recognize and appreciate the people who love us. We miss out on so many beautiful things simply because we allow ourselves to be enslaved by our own selfish concerns.

Go for the man of deeds and not for the man of words, for you will find rewarding happiness, not with the man you love but with the man who loves you more.

The best lovers are those capable of loving from a distance far enough to allow the person to grow but never too far to feel the love within your being.

To let go of someone doesn't mean you have to stop loving. It only means that you allow that person to find his own happiness without expecting him to come back.

Letting go is not just setting the other person free, but is also setting yourself free from all the bitterness, hatred, and anger that you keep in your heart.

Do not let the bitterness take away your strength and weaken your faith, and never allow pain to dishearten you; but rather let yourself grow with wisdom in bearing it.

You may find peace in loving someone from a distance not expecting something in return. But be careful, for this can sustain life but can never give enough room for us to grow.

We can all survive with just beautiful memories of the past, but real peace and happiness come only with open acceptance of what reality is today. There comes a time in our lives when we chase upon someone so nice and beautiful and we just find ourselves so intensely attracted to that person. This feeling soon becomes a part of our everyday lives and eventually consumes our thoughts and actions.

The sad part of it is when we begin to realize that this person feels nothing more for us than just a friendship.

We start our desperate attempt to get noticed and be closer, but in the end, our efforts are still unrewarded and we end up being sorry for ourselves.

You don't have to forget someone you love. What you need to learn is how to accept the verdict of reality without being bitter or sorry for yourself. Believe me, you would be better off giving that dedication and love to someone more deserving.

Don't let your heart run your life. Be sensible and let your mind speak for itself.

Listen not only to your feelings but to reason as well. Always remember that if you lose someone today, it means that someone better is coming tomorrow. If you lose love that doesn't mean you failed in love.

Cry if you have to, but make sure that tears wash away the hurt and the bitterness that the past has left with you. Let go of yesterday and love will find its way back to you. And when it does, pray that it may be the love that will stay and last a lifetime.

There are two ways to live your life:

One is as though nothing is a miracle. 

The other is as though everything is a miracle.

There is no mistake so painful that love cannot forgive.
No past so bitter that love cannot accept.

And no love so little that we cannot start all over with."

Note: If you copy and paste bits of this long quote into Google, you'll find that apparently Einstein wrote it. However, Google is not giving me definitive proof, so I shall just leave it as is. I highly doubt Einstein wrote this, anyway. 

Still, cheesy internet memes sometimes speak truths. 

Shh.

Sometimes, I think I'm only still alive because I have to be. 

For the sake of others. 

Arretez.

Unfortunately, life moves on even when you don't want to. 

Ce Sera un Long Voyage Sur Les Vagues de L'oubli

Predictions for Valentine's day weekend: 

1. Drowning myself in sweets while fighting back tears as I watch Eternal Sunshine for the millionth time in bed. Or perhaps a movie marathon. In bed.

2. Drinking myself to oblivion with my friends. All the single ladies...!

3. A combination of the above. 

"Random thoughts for Valentine's day, 2004. Today is a holiday invented by greeting card companies to make people feel like crap."

-Joel Barish

You're Nobody 'til Somebody Loves You

Sometimes, I wish I had someone with whom I can share the little moments in life--moments where I would look over, and he would look back, and a silent understanding would pass between us. 

I have never found that person. At 15, I didn't really think much of it. At close to 20--I won't lie--I'm growing anxious. 

I am about to enter my third decade of life. Third decade. How bizarre is that to even comprehend? My parents met right around this time in their lives. Yet, where am I? 

It's not as if I constantly think about love, finding love, or falling in love; I put it out of my mind and it stays at bay, for the most part. As of late, however, life seems to want to remind me every chance it gets. Couples, everywhere I go. When I step out of my apartment, more often than not, I will see a loved up pair stroll hand-in-hand past me. My iTunes seems to only play sappy love songs, even on shuffle. Even random ads on Facebook broadcast love matching sites. Hanging out with people with significant others doesn't seem to help much, either. Story lines on my favorite television shows seem to mirror reality. 

What might be worse than not finding that someone is coming close to it. To have found someone with whom you wouldn't mind doing nothing, with whom you wouldn't mind doing everything, whose company you enjoy, who makes you laugh, who takes you by surprise, who...complements you is so bittersweet when you realize those very feelings you feel for him are not reciprocated. Or, rather, that they are, but not to the extent with which you feel for him. How ironic is it that when we first met, I would not give him the time of day? That I wrote him off immediately? And here we are, full circle. 

I think it unfortunate that I feel things so intensely, whether it be fleeting moments of happiness or long bouts of weariness. 

Yet, I should be grateful, because I don't feel anything, and haven't felt anything for a long while, and, frankly, that is much worse. 

Game Over.

I had a sudden revelation a few days ago as I was walking back to my apartment after class: I want to be with someone who adores and appreciates me. The very notion is so simple that it seems almost absurd to even have to say it. But it needs to be said because I need to get it through my head. 

I want to be with someone who wants to call me, who wants to hear my oddly nasally voice because it brightens their day. I don't want to be left in the lurch. I don't want to be left wondering. 

This is all coming out now because I finally accepted that I deserve better. I am not unattractive. I am no Gisele (who apparently is a marker of comparison for guys), but I suppose that isn't such a bad thing because I personally think she looks sort of manly sometimes. Anyway, I have a personality, I have a sense of humor, and most importantly, I have a life outside of whoever I might be interested in. Honestly, it sounds so pathetic for me to list these things, to have to remind myself why I am eligible.  

Also, why is it that I hold onto men who appear to be only marginally pleased with the fact that I am in their lives, who seem to take my presence for granted? Their exasperation and indifference are sometimes so evident that I question again and again why I still haven't moved on. Perhaps, now is the time to.

This entry came about because I spent a good amount of time last night reading available excerpts from He's Just Not That Into You. I never thought I would be one to turn to a self-help book, and I certainly never thought one would change my outlook. Difficult as it is to admit, I think it has. I guess Berger was good for something besides being an insecure failure of a writer. 

To be clear, I am not about to pull a Miranda and start spreading this bit of information with other girls like it is the Word of Christ; it will still take time to digest. When you like someone, it isn't easy to just call it quits and walk away. I know I will still make excuses for his behavior and actions in an attempt to convince myself that I mean anything close to significant to him. But I know this will all click into place in my head one day and I will simply pick up and leave. I am just waiting to get to that point.

Perhaps when that moment comes, he might realize that there was someone else out there who appreciated me just a tad more and that I was smart enough to leave. Or maybe he wouldn't even care at all. 

When that moment comes, I won't care whether he cared or not, either. 

Rien n'est certain.

Suddenly, I feel so old and weary...and filled with regret.