Game Over.

I had a sudden revelation a few days ago as I was walking back to my apartment after class: I want to be with someone who adores and appreciates me. The very notion is so simple that it seems almost absurd to even have to say it. But it needs to be said because I need to get it through my head. 

I want to be with someone who wants to call me, who wants to hear my oddly nasally voice because it brightens their day. I don't want to be left in the lurch. I don't want to be left wondering. 

This is all coming out now because I finally accepted that I deserve better. I am not unattractive. I am no Gisele (who apparently is a marker of comparison for guys), but I suppose that isn't such a bad thing because I personally think she looks sort of manly sometimes. Anyway, I have a personality, I have a sense of humor, and most importantly, I have a life outside of whoever I might be interested in. Honestly, it sounds so pathetic for me to list these things, to have to remind myself why I am eligible.  

Also, why is it that I hold onto men who appear to be only marginally pleased with the fact that I am in their lives, who seem to take my presence for granted? Their exasperation and indifference are sometimes so evident that I question again and again why I still haven't moved on. Perhaps, now is the time to.

This entry came about because I spent a good amount of time last night reading available excerpts from He's Just Not That Into You. I never thought I would be one to turn to a self-help book, and I certainly never thought one would change my outlook. Difficult as it is to admit, I think it has. I guess Berger was good for something besides being an insecure failure of a writer. 

To be clear, I am not about to pull a Miranda and start spreading this bit of information with other girls like it is the Word of Christ; it will still take time to digest. When you like someone, it isn't easy to just call it quits and walk away. I know I will still make excuses for his behavior and actions in an attempt to convince myself that I mean anything close to significant to him. But I know this will all click into place in my head one day and I will simply pick up and leave. I am just waiting to get to that point.

Perhaps when that moment comes, he might realize that there was someone else out there who appreciated me just a tad more and that I was smart enough to leave. Or maybe he wouldn't even care at all. 

When that moment comes, I won't care whether he cared or not, either.