I Deserve Better? I Deserve Better. I Deserve Better?

And just like that, it's as if the veil has been lifted from my eyes and, suddenly, I can see everything for what it is. People are right: when girls fall, they fall hard.

I have never had a problem cutting someone out of my life. In fact, I have always said that, when I make the decision to cut ties with someone, there is no turning back and no thinking twice. So why is it so difficult this time? I have mulled this over for a few weeks and I have come to the conclusion that I held on because I prayed and I hoped in my heart that I would be enough for someone to want to change. That I would be enough. Period.

How pathetic.

I guess I am still that naive nine year old who wants her fairy tale ending, which is absolutely absurd considering the extremity of my cynicism. Perhaps I secretly hope I am wrong each and every time. But I am not. 

Never have words of endearment been such slaps to the face. It still stings. 

The wall I have spent years building came down--only slightly. But that was enough for me to realize that that was already too much. I had let my guard down.