Oh, Karl.

Photo: Style.com

All I Want for Christmas

My plan for the holidays, as of right now, only includes watching the Premier League to tide me over until Champions League picks up again in February (mm, 6:00 AM matches. Heavenly), massive amounts of shopping, looking over the Spring 09 runways...which I still haven't gotten a chance to do, catching up on pre-fall 09 runways (ALREADY? Agh), eating, watching a fuck ton of films, doing nothing with friends, and sleeping.

Ah, perfection. I'll throw in a book or three in there. 

Imma Shake It to the Ground, Bring It Back Up

Shiiit. Amazing. I had given up on finding new artists and music a long time ago because so much of it sounded the same and was just completely uninteresting, but maybe I gave up too soon or maybe I wasn't looking at the right places. 

I love being proved wrong. By an unknown and unsigned artist, too? Mm, even better.

But the Night's Disguise is Wearing Thin...

caught me looking through your eyes
no I'm not doing alright
I'm just as stupid and desperate as I've always been
all the uselessness I write
just come at me with a knife
come cut this sickness from my mind
help me forget about a shattered lie
bleed my failure into something right, something right.

Inside Your Cover's Always Blown.

Some days, I feel like I am sleepwalking through life. 

Other days, I actually do sleep my life away. 

Now I've Caught My Hands in the Death Machine

I was supposed to begin the treacherous process of studying for finals today, but I couldn't. Rough night, you might say; 24 hours later, I am still reeling and trying to stop my head from spinning. This is almost worse than the time I got food poisoning. Almost. 

My flight home has been booked and, now, it's just a matter of getting through this week. 

I've realized that every time I am at school, I want to be home; whenever I am home, all I can think about is returning to La Jolla. This really only makes the rain cloud hovering over my head just that much bigger.

I have also come to realize that I don't know what I want. There is this great gaping chasm that, try as I might, just won't close. I can't figure it out, but, honestly, living day-to-day with the feeling that something is missing makes my life really frustrating and miserable. I try not to let it manifest on my face, so as not to give anything away, because, frankly, even when people mean well, I hate being asked "Are you okay?" 

Don't I look okay?

Nouveau.

New layout to come soon. 

Si Je Continue Comme Ça, Je Pleurerai.

I have never felt such a sense of defeat as I have in the past 24 hours. It was as if all the stress from this entire quarter built up to that very moment and was released in a massive explosion. 

I am so miserable.