Delusions.

I am beginning to wonder if I do what I do simply because, deep down, I am lonely and am truly trying to create some semblance of a connection with another being. Or, perhaps I am so fucked up that I need to delude myself into thinking, for those two hours, that the testosterone fueled body pressed against mine actually cares about me in the way that I have always wanted. 

All this so that I might feel close to human again.